census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
