So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
