I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
