you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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