Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
