You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
