last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
