So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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