If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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