im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
