I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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