You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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