Everything about him screamed your future.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you inspire me to be a worse person
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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