He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
