saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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