a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
