Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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