i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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