Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
