shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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