im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
