His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need a beard to bite.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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