I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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