I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
