would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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