i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
