i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
