did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
