I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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