If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
