Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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