I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
