Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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