i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize