our cab driver is having phone sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
