Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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