I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
