M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
