At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize