I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
