I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
