This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
