Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I cut my penus on the lid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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