you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
