Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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