HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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