I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
