and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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