If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my shit smells like andre
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
