The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
