What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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