just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
