Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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