I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
