i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize