i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
