shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
