Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize