I don't usually arrange sex via text message
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
