then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
