Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
