Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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