he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
