phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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