Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wakey wakey hands off snakey
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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