tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
