just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize