I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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