everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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