if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
