I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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