I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
