Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
