and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize