Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize