I should be sponsored by Trojan
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
