I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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