one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize