Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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