U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
