im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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