i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
