so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
