I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize