Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
