$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
