Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
