do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
