You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
