Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
