you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
