I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
