Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
