I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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